Change of plans

I keep posting negative things !!
So sorry.

(This is gonna be long, brace yourself.)

First, some background.

I am part of this tiny dance group called Reset and we have this 'assignment' where we have to film a dance for the Student Council to use in a project.
For this, we need to organise a day where all four members are free, go to a scenic location, change into fancy clothes, wear masquerade masks (part of the theme), and have our fabulous camera(wo)man - soulsis -  to film us.
Then we'll edit and submit it.

To do all that, we need a day where all of us are free.

We decided on this Wednesday as everyone didn't have anything on.

Thus, I made plans for Thursday and the days after.
The plan on Thursday was where the Junior Student Councillors met at one of the councillor's house to bake a delicious (I know it will be; we're going to the masterchef councillor's house) cake for the two teachers who have guided and made what SC is today.
They're leaving.
The two who brought SC up are leaving. Leaving SC.

We gotta do something to show our gratitude, no?
The senior councillors are making a video montage, so we decided on a cake!

Lo and Behold,
on the day before filming day,
two members of Reset suddenly remembered they have CCA (after school activity)
and couldn't film.

So they decided to film on Thursday.
When I told them about the plans the other member - Leaf (she's also a councillor) - and I had on Thursday, they asked us if it was compulsory.

Which it wasn't.
Technically.

But they're CCA was. So they couldn't ditch but we could.
But the teachers mean so much to us councillors.
We - Leaf and I - couldn't bear to not go for the baking session. (not to mention the junior student councillors could use a little bonding time xD)

And so they started guilt tripping Leaf and me by saying we did not prioritise because we put 'having fun' (baking) higher then the 'assignment' (dancing).

Did I mention one of them is my supposed 'best friend'?

Oops, I did not.

She was the main one. She kept guilt tripping me, bringing up every single flaw of mine she could think of.
But I'm used to it. She does it often.

Why are we still best friends, you ask?

I have absolutely no idea.
She did have her good friend moments, though.
Like being there for me when my 💔

But time and time again,
she disappoints me.

Tell me if I'm wrong about any of this.
I can take it.

Always fangirling,
Fangirl

Some things are better left unsaid

This blog is pretty much a talk-to-myself corner, but that's okay.
Except maybe my soulsis - who's the only one with the link.

I just want to get my thoughts straight and be able to think again.
(The probability of that is quite low - I just learnt it in math, I would know)

So, you know how there are people of different genders that get along so well - just as friends?
It's like, you see a girl just casually talking to a guy on the street, or a bunch of girls and guys hanging out together at Starbucks.
It's completely normal.

Not for me, it isn't.

Ever since I was young, I have been bad at communicating with boys.
I can't look them in the eye, nor talk without stumbling over my words.

Over the years, I have been improving!
Boys talk to me now.
Sometimes self-initiated, though.

However, most of these conversations are through texts.

I'll just get to the point now.

I needed help with my revision. There was this question I just couldn't understand.
Thus, I sought help from a classmate. A boy classmate.
He helped me, I was grateful.

But it didn't end there. No, it didn't.
He started texting me daily, using my first text as an excuse to continue and start conversations.

He'd ask if I needed help, and at first I thought he was just being nice.
But as time passed, it all became so obvious. And I didn't know how to handle it.

It felt as if I was leading him on, somehow.
It wasn't as if he liked me or anything though, I'd lie to myself.

Then he said it. He straight up confessed that the girl he fell for...

was me.

It wasn't that I didn't like him, I just didn't like like him.
And I didn't want to think about boys after getting my heart foolishly broken (so cliché, right??)

But that wasn't worst part, oh, no.
The worst part was that my friend has a major crush on him.

And I'm the only one she's told.
The only one she's trusted with her secret.

If she ever found out...I don't want to finish that thought.

I wish he'd never told me how he really felt.
I wish I could look him square in the eye and talk normally again.
Even though it was obvious and I could tell...some things really are better left unsaid.
Because then there wouldn't be proof
of how messed up of a friend I am.

I just don't know what to do.

Always fangirling,
Fangirl

Opening

Hello World!

I am starting a blog. The one you're reading right now. It's to remain anonymous, and it's for the best. The whole reason, or rather, the whole idea of starting an anonymous blog birthed from Penny Porter. Or should I say, Zoella. Zoe's book Girl Online is about this girl, Penny Porter, who starts a blog to blog about her life anonymously. The helpful comments she gets her through her problems. So THAT inspired me to start my own.

I'm gonna be blogging about stars, books, music...things any teen girl faces. So I'll kick this off with my first book recommendation.

Girl Online

Obviously.

There's a Girl Online, Girl Online On Tour, and a Girl Online Going Solo. All three are AH-MAZING. The one I enjoyed the most was the third book, though.

I might sometimes post things about me, too. My life and its problems, I mean. I hope anyone who finds this blog and actually reads it enjoys it.

Always fangirling,
Fangirl